Because of the H1N1 potential pandemic (not calling it Swine Flu any more; must be a Muslim thing) the School has introduced a lot of increased health monitoring and security measures including twice-daily temperature checks and main gate only access to the campus. The first is interesting because my temperature fluctuates quite a lot depending on the time spent in a/c saturated rooms (all set at 22 degrees) or how dehydrated I am by carrying heavy bags on the walk from the supermarket in the 32degree heat and 100% humidity. The second is a pain as it means the supermarket bags have to be hauled about 300m further than necessary which makes me more dehydrated which increases my core temperature which makes me look as if I have H1N1 which means they will put me in quarantine which means I won't be able to go to the supermarket which means I won't get dehydrated which means my temperature will be normal which means I won't be put in quarantine. Its all a bit like, 'You remind me of a man.' 'What man?' 'The man with the power.' 'What power?' 'The power of Voodoo.' 'Who do?' 'You do.' 'What?' 'Remind me of a man.' 'What man?' .......So what has all this to do with the price of fish? Very little actually but the increased security measures did fail to stop this slippery customer from getting past the main gate, through most of the School and into the accommodation block where s/he was found patiently waiting for the lift to take her/him up to the eighth floor where food had been left out near the trash wheelie bins. Rancid food atracts rats, rats attract snakes, snakes attract frightened people, frightened people have lowered immune systems, people with lowered immune systems contract H1N1. There's really no way to stop it; it will take over the world.
I wonder if you could use the Jedi mind trick and talk Parseltongue so that it went to another floor instead of the eighth?
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