b.a.b.s.

We have a phrase in the office, 'Boring as batshit!' It's ideal for describing a lot of the stuff we hear and deal with on a daily basis and was certainly the most interesting (and possibly the most important) thing the previous Chief Executive Officer (CEO) donated to the cause.

It can't be that boring because Google takes 0.23 seconds to find 487,000 references to batshit and 0.34 seconds to find 1,500,000 for bat shit; what a difference space makes!

Today I, (High Performance Director, HPD) was 'sub'd' from the bench (voluntarily, I admit) for our National Education Manager (NEM) who was swanning around in Florida on 'holiday' to attend a 'Coaching Team' Workshop. Good grief! I should have known, shouldn't I?

One of the presentations was about the 'glue' which holds together the relationship between Regional Sports Trusts (RSTs), National Sports Organisations (NSOs) and Regional Sports Organisations (RSO's) while they manage their Coach Force Managers (CFMs). Apparently the 'secret' (and it was presented as a revelationaly key to the Universe) is to have a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) and a consequent Service Level Agreement (SLA) which defined the Key Performance Indicators (KPIs) and Job Descriptions (JDs) for all the relevant parties. The whole thing was organised by Sport and Recreation New Zealand (SPARC) and it was b.a.b.s. Three letter acronyms (TLAs) were dispersed as if they were limitless in their abundance.

It was held at the Miramar Golf Club (MGC) adjacent to Wellington airport (WAP) and a very nice venue (VNV) it was; lots of nice wood and superb view of the links course though, due to the regular Wellington weather, not a lot of activity to be seen.

During the 'glue' presentation the second hand of the clock on the wall 'ticked' 60 times every minute but each one definitely seemed to get slower, the water in the jugs on the tables evaporated a significant amount, I counted 6,600 'louvres' in the wooden false ceiling composed of 11 rows of four sets of three by five patterned louvres - interesting, eh?

There were photographs of 'past Presidents' of the golf club visible through the doors on the walls in the corridor which seemed to be smirking and saying, 'I'm lucky; I'm dead.'

I've heard about animals gnawing their legs off to escape from Mantraps and I know from a very reliable source that octopuses eat their own legs to evade capture, 'Because its a very hard life at the bottom of the ocean, Mister Clive,' but to consider chewing my arm off to distract from a PowerPoint presentation is extreme, however I actually think some delegates started to decompose during the talk.

Fortunately I'd painted #4 'Wairarapa Wind' yesterday and some of the Resene paint had survived the two showers and scrubs I'd had since. There was a splodge of vivid lime green on my right thumb and in the sunlight drifting through the floor-to-ceiling, view-of-the-links window it appeared to be slightly damp and, therefore, fascinating.

Who says watching paint dry can't be more interesting than a SPARC workshop? Ally Todd (NEM), you owe me!

T.T.F.N.