Another Visitor

Gekkos are cute little things aren't they? Their little, pudgy hands and inquisitive expressions are endearing.

But (and there is indeed a 'but'), when they insist on wandering round your bathroom it can get a tad disconcerting. I thought my little visitor - only about 3cm long - had come in through the window but after I tried to trap him in the bathroom so I could take a photo, he promptly scurried under the door (absolutely no gap whatsoever!) and vanished. The accompanying image is courtesy of Wiki.

I have a big plastic bag of tennis balls, Tempo Trainers and Hydro-Hips sitting near the 'front' door and this morning I heard the plastic rustle. In the best traditions of stalking wildlife I stealthily crept up on the bag and was just about to pick it up and shake it when the little creature promptly fled under the closed front door (again absolutely no gap whatsoever) and hurried off to terrorise the rest of the building.

It must be baby gekko time because we've had a few on pool deck recently which causes mayhem amongst the little girls and frivolity amongst the silly little boys.

99 kg and counting

Here I am on the all-weather 220m indoor track which runs alongside the two 50m pools. I hit 99.6 kg last week but then pigged out at the end-of-Schools'-Nationals team meal and bounced over 100 kg again. Just now I was 99.35 kg and that's after lunch which included a deliciously smelly Stilton sandwich, a cup of soup and a cup of tea - fluid weighs heavy so the 99 is good news.

Unwelcome Visitor

Because of the H1N1 potential pandemic (not calling it Swine Flu any more; must be a Muslim thing) the School has introduced a lot of increased health monitoring and security measures including twice-daily temperature checks and main gate only access to the campus. The first is interesting because my temperature fluctuates quite a lot depending on the time spent in a/c saturated rooms (all set at 22 degrees) or how dehydrated I am by carrying heavy bags on the walk from the supermarket in the 32degree heat and 100% humidity. The second is a pain as it means the supermarket bags have to be hauled about 300m further than necessary which makes me more dehydrated which increases my core temperature which makes me look as if I have H1N1 which means they will put me in quarantine which means I won't be able to go to the supermarket which means I won't get dehydrated which means my temperature will be normal which means I won't be put in quarantine. Its all a bit like, 'You remind me of a man.' 'What man?' 'The man with the power.' 'What power?' 'The power of Voodoo.' 'Who do?' 'You do.' 'What?' 'Remind me of a man.' 'What man?' .......

So what has all this to do with the price of fish? Very little actually but the increased security measures did fail to stop this slippery customer from getting past the main gate, through most of the School and into the accommodation block where s/he was found patiently waiting for the lift to take her/him up to the eighth floor where food had been left out near the trash wheelie bins. Rancid food atracts rats, rats attract snakes, snakes attract frightened people, frightened people have lowered immune systems, people with lowered immune systems contract H1N1. There's really no way to stop it; it will take over the world.

I wonder if you could use the Jedi mind trick and talk Parseltongue so that it went to another floor instead of the eighth?

TODAY

Two in two days! I must have remembered blogability :)

Yuuuuummmm, Seng!

OK, back to blogging! Honestly I haven't had any thought which I deemed blog-worthy but now I've resurrected golongdistance and here I am returning to misterclive! I'm smiling if no-one else is!

Last night I attended my first Chinese wedding reception. Everyone told me it would be really different from 'western' weddings but I wasn't amazed or astounded by anything. Intrigued and interested, yes, but not amazed or astounded.

First the invitation was to the reception, not the wedding. There were abound 500 guests. I have no idea how many attended the actual service but of all the ones I knew (Sports School staff) I think only a handful had. It was held in the Grand Ballroom at the Grand Hyatt Hotel so pretty posh stuff and there were around 50 tables each with 10 places (see picture). I was told by a lot of good people that every guest was expected to contribute to the cost of the bash so that's the first difference with 'western' culture. All my advisors independently estimated the cost of each table at $1,000 so $100 pp. Add on $8 because 8 is a luck number and the expected contribution was $108. It is given in cash in a neat, little red envelope and is known as 'Ang Pow'. Why do they cover the chairs in white shrouds? It's as if they were expecting the chimney sweep to arrive any minute.

The invitation was very specific; 'Cocktail reception will start at 7.00pm. Dinner will be served at 7.30pm sharp. Your punctuality is greatly appreciated' so, in the great tradition of all countries hot, dinner started at 8.45pm :)

The bridegroom was called Desmond Tan and the bride Janine Tan so I guess the day transmogrified Mr and Ms Tan into Mr and Mrs Tan; all that for the addition of a solitary 'r'.

Now, the 'meaty' substance to this blog;the menu. Nine courses gently simmered across three hours with a very professionally produced but extremely smaltzy video of the happy couples' history and the day's service.

Grand Hyatt Delights (eau d'oeuvres in 'Franglish!)

Shark's Fin Soup with Shredded Seafood. This is apparently a great delicacy here and demonstrates that no expense is being spared. How 'shredded seafood' differs from soupyfied shark's fin is left up to your imagination.)

Canton Roasted Chicken with Walnut Topping. Historic. Absolutely yummy.

Steamed Live Garoupa with Superior Soya Sauce. My culinary advisor advises me that 'live' means 'fresh' as in 'fished out of a tank in the hotel kitchen and then despatched to the watery afterlife prior to steaming' and not 'thrown kicking (well, squirming) and screaming into a steam bath'. Judging from the look on the Garoupa's face my advisor is dispensing misleading and incorrect advise; it was not happy at contributing to the happy day, in fact it looked decidely astounded at having to appear in its mortified state. If Chinese weddings contained the phrase, 'Speak now or forever hold your peace,' (they don't) the Garoupa would have waved its sinewy fins in the air and belched 'Stop! Stop! A thousand (and eight) times stop!' However it was very, very fresh.

Braised Sliced Abalone with Shiitake Mushroom. I'm not a fan of Shiitake mushrooms but at least I now know how to spell it. Two 'i's' is not what I would have guessed. The '2I's' was a coffee bar in London during the 1950's and 1960's where many of the first wave of Brit Pop stars started their careers - Tommy Steele, Cliff Richard, Joe Brown ... and I'll bet they'd never heard of Shiitake mushrooms in those days. First time I've ever tasted abalone and they are good. Very good. They made me think the experience must be something like tasting truffles for the first time but as I haven't tasted truffles for a long time and can't remember what they tasted like I guess truffles aren't as memorable as they're made out.

Sauteed Scallop with Asparagus served in Cheese Basket. Fantastic scallops. Excellent asparagus. I could have eaten just this dish all night.

Steamed Crab Claw on Zuchini, Fungus with Dried Shrimp Sauce. Big, meaty and tasty but not historic.

Wok Fried Korean Glass Noodle with Rice Vermicelli. I can't remember what this tasted like but I do remember that it was OK. How strange. Must have been the Tiger beer taking effect.

Sweet Yam Paste with Ginko Nut in Coconut Pumkin Sauce. Can't be the Tiger beer because i remember this last course. Terific, bordering on historic. Sweet Yam paste is like vanilla custard.

Everyone received two presents, a brownie wrapped in a paper square then contained in a Grand Hyatt presentation box and a very nice, distressed paper notepad with moulded leaves and flowers and complete with 'barky' pencil (Q: What's brown and sticky? A: a stick). The bride and groom appeared at various times throughout the meal dressed in different outfits. I was told this is important to demonstrate that each is a good catch as they have more than one set of clothes. Right.

Best bit of the evening was listening to groups of guests performing the equivalent of 'Three Cheers' as the happy couple visited each table for photographs. Everyone says 'Yuuuuuuuuuuum, yuuuuum, yuum, yum, yum, yum', at the top of their voices and strings it out for as long as possible before finishing on a resounding, 'Seng!'.

Worst bit of the evening was our table didn't do it!